


Tsuna's Struggle

by Pepperoni525



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepperoni525/pseuds/Pepperoni525
Summary: This small fic is I think would happen it Xanxus got the ring and was accepted by it. Sorry if it's to OOC.
Relationships: Reborn & Sawada Tsunayoshi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Tsuna's Struggle

Numb. That’s all Tsuna felt. The pain and anguish washed away from the sight in front of him. He stood there, in awe of what was transpiring in front of him. Xanxus did it, the ring became his. The way it slipped on his finger like it was always meant to be there, the way Xanxus belched out in victory. Time slowed for Tsuna to nothing. He could only watch as the only thing that made him special, the only thing going for him, was taken away in a nanosecond. Tsuna could see Xanxus’s mouth moving, him proudly standing up and flailing his arms wound. He could see his mouth move but hear no words, he couldn’t hear anything it seemed like. The only thing filling his head is self-doubt and hatred. 

“What did you expect? You thought you were special? That you were made for something bigger than yourself? That could make a difference? That you’re something more than a no-good kid who can’t even go a day without failure? You’re nothing, you’re worse than nothing. You’re below dirt because at least dirt has some purpose,” The insults assaulted him, getting worse by the second. Tsuna could feel his mind fall into a dark hole. 

He tried to struggle, tried to gain some control over his thoughts by saying, “It’s a good thing that Xanxus got the ring, he knows how to be mafia boss. He was raised in the mafia so he knows how it works, he knows what to do and what not to do,” However, the more he fought, the more he was overwhelmed. 

“You’re just dumping your responsibility onto someone else because you know deep down you can’t handle it, dame Tsuna. You’re absolutely pathetic, dreaming of that acceptance you crave, dreaming of friends who will be by your side no matter what, when all you’ve ever done is whine and never work for it. You never made yourself become a better person dame Tsuna, you wanted everything to work out in your favor, just to fall in your lap. But guess what dame Tsuna, life doesn’t work that way. You have to work for what you want in life. Look at Xanxus, he started a revolution with only 7 people, he fought you fair and square, and now he has the ring. What do you got? What did you do? You only took things given to you and whined when things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to. All those “friends” here now, they’ll leave you, Reborn will leave you. They don’t have any reason to stay with you, you have nothing to offer them anymore. You’re not gonna be the next boss, so why should they stay with you? You will have nothing, and everything will go back to the way things were before, with you crying, hating yourself for being so weak and useless. That loneliness and sadness, that anxiety and regret that’s been oh so patiently waiting to be revisited again will come back full force, worse than ever because you lost. You failed to keep what was yours, something that wasn’t even truly yours, to begin with. It was always his, it was just a matter of time before it came back to him. You could never have been able to keep it, your stupidity would have lost it somehow in some way in the future and would have fallen right to him, where it belongs. Thankfully it went to the right hands before you could actually grow attached to all this. Admit it, you’re glad you lost the ring. Now you won’t have to worry about the responsibilities of a mafia boss, now you can become a normal, boring citizen as you’ve always wanted,” The voices in his head twisted the truth, making the lie almost believable and palpable in Tsuna’s mind. The thick, honey-like darkness swirling in his mind clouding his judgment.

“Yeah, I wanted to get out of this from the beginning. Why was I trying so hard to fight to keep it? I’m home free now. I can be a normal high school student.” Tsuna’s eyes watered and his lips quivered. He could feel his body ragdoll to the ground, not caring how stupid he looked. All the energy in his body disappeared without a trace, leaving only the husk of the dejected broken teen bleeding and cold. He wanted this right? So why does this feel so empty, why does it feel so horrible? Tears stream down Tsuna’s face and quiet sobs crept out of his lips. Tsuna closed his eyes and felt a veil take over his body, with only one thought in his mind, 

“I wanted this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tsuna could only see darkness, his body floating in the endless nothingness of the void. He stared blankly in the distance, thinking to himself, “Where am I?” He tried to move his head but to no avail. He floated for a few minutes more, his mind becoming drifting on the events he last saw. The thoughts that consumed him endlessly now gone, only leaving him and the darkness.

“Xanxus won, he got what he wanted,” Tsuna thought as he closed his eyes. “And I finally got what I wanted to in the end. I can finally live my life the way I planned, finishing middle school, going to high school somewhere, and maybe even going to college. I would get a normal desk job, meet a nice girl, fall in love, and settle down.” He chuckled to himself, thinking it was ridiculous he could even achieve even half of those dreams. His chuckles turned into laughter, his eyes mysteriously filling with tears and his voice becoming more hoarse. His laughter soon became hiccups and soon he was completely balling his eyes out, his wailing swallowed by the unforgiving plane around him. 

A force pushed Tsuna on his chest, causing him to lose his breath. Freefalling caused Tsuna to sober up and brace for impact, clenching himself for dear life and heaved deep breaths waiting for the pain, but it never came. He could feel the ground under his back and he began to relax, opening his eyes slowly. His vision soon became enveloped in a blaring white light, causing him to clench his eyes in pain and jolt up, hissing at the newfound pain. He opened his eyes again slowly, letting his eyes get adjusted to the light. When his vision returned, he was standing in his room. Everything was in its right place but the glaring light from outside made the room have a glow to it. 

“Why am I here?” Tsuna thought out loud, looking around the room again for any hidden secrets. 

“Because your mind is at a crossroad, dame Tsuna,” Reborn’s voice boomed from behind Tsuna. Tsuna flung himself around, looking at Reborn sitting on his desk holding a gun. “This is the place you felt safest, so it was conjured up to help you really think about what you’re gonna do next.” Reborn continued, his voice emphasizing his boredom while Reborn fiddled with the gun in his hand.

“What I’m going to do next? There is nothing to do! Xanxus already won, he has the ring! What else is there to do? In fact, why should I do anything, all I can see are benefits for me! I can get away from all this craziness! I didn’t ask for all of this! I only wanted to be a normal kid, not the heir of the most feared mafia in all of Italy! I only wanted to have somebody to talk to, someone to be my friend, not somebody willing to die for me at a moment’s notice! I only wanted to have a place of my own! Even if I was to become the next mafia boss of the Vongola, how would you think I’d do? I’d be terrible at it, I can’t lead people like Xanxus can, I can’t be what people want me to be! I’m just a normal kid who got thrown in all of this who wanted a ticket out of! And now this is my chance!” Tsuna roared, pacing back and forth his arms flailing around, almost hitting his furniture multiple times.

“Then why are you so emotional about this? It should be easy to accept, seeing as it’s the logical ending to all this. Why are you so adamantly yelling about why you shouldn’t lead? It almost sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself that what you’re saying is the truth,” Reborn voiced out, his eyes staring directly at Tsuna’s. Reborn’s relaxed posture was contrasted with the gun ready to shoot Tsuna at any second. Tsuna’s body tensed, his face scrunched up in confusion. 

“What? I’m not convincing myself of anything! It is the truth! Why can’t you see that? Aren’t you always telling me how I’m no good? Hasn’t anyone who’s met me other than my own mother and father told me I’m no good? That I’m a waste of space? That I’m useless and pathetic?” Tsuna’s voice became quieter as he continued on, his body shaking. His eyes clouded by tears and his fists clenched. He continued, “When has anyone ever told me “good job?” Or “I’m proud of you”? Or even “keep going”? I’m tired of being “no good Tsuna”, tired of being useless and a waste of space. I’m tired of being the butt of the joke. I’m tired Reborn,” Tsuna fell on his knees, his butt flopping on the ground. “I’m really fucking tired.”

Silence fell over the room, the temperature in the room dropping a few degrees. Reborn shifted in his spot and eventually let Leon turn back to his normal state. Reborn jumped down from the desk and made his way in front of Tsuna. Reborn watched as Tsuna’s face became a mosaic of snot and tears with a red backdrop. He sighed and sat down directly in front of Tsuna.

“You have heard these things Tsuna, from Gokuharu and Yamamoto. You’ve heard words of encouragement from the family that you surround yourself with. And even though you don’t hear them, people are encouraging you every day for you to do better, praising you for going through the things you have and wishing the best for you,” Reborn said, his posture and voice steady to not startle him. Tsuna looked at Reborn, sniffling and wiping away his tears and snot with his sleeve. “That’s disgusting, here.” Reborn threw his handkerchief at Tsuna’s face, causing him to jump. Reborn chuckled while Tsuna wiped his tears and snot away, his hiccups left frequent from the scare.

“Yeah, but the only reason I even know them and talk to them is because of the mafia. Gokuharu praises me because he sees me as his boss and Yamamoto is just that kind of guy. Ryohei is just a boxing manic who only wants me to join the club and Haru is obsessed with me. They only surround me because of the position, not because of who I am as a person…”

“That’s not true and you know it,” Reborn cut him off, his face painted with annoyance. Tsuna reeled in shock and tried to refute but Reborn continued. “While it is true you met them through mafia activities, they still hang around you because of what you’ve done for them. The ninth didn’t make you save Haru, he didn’t make you help Yamamoto, he didn’t help you get Ryohei on your side. You did that all by yourself Tsuna, you should at least be proud of that.” Reborn finished, fiddling with his hat. Tsuna’s body moved before his mind and the next thing he knew, he was hugging Reborn with all his might. Tsuna knew that he would get beat up as a result of it but he didn’t care. 

“Wait a minute, why am I not in a world of pain right now?” Tsuna thought as he looked at Reborn in the corner of his eye. Reborn’s face was stoic as ever but he could see Reborn’s fists clenched at his sides, indicating his will to not hit him right at this moment. Relief filled Tsuna’s mind as he closed his eyes and sighed. Tsuna let go of Reborn and started to say “Why didn’t yYAAOOW!” Tsuna clenched his head radiating with pain and looked at Reborn holding a mallet.

“Never. Do that again.” Reborn hissed out, the tips of his ears red with fury. 

“Okay,” Tsuna groaned out weakly, still holding his head. “He is right though, I’m not forcing them to be in a family with me, much less be my friends.” Tsuna thought, sitting up to sit on his bed. A picture sitting on the nightstand caught Tsuna’s eye and he reached out to grab it. It was a picture of everybody, looking at the camera and with smiles as bright as the sun. Tsuna laughed and reflexively smiled at the picture. “That’s strange, I don’t remember taking this picture,” Tsuna said, a frown adorning his face. 

“That’s because it isn’t a picture dame Tsuna,” Reborn stated, moving to the bed and sitting on the bed next to Tsuna. Reborn stared at the picture Tsuna was holding and snorted. Tsuna looked at Reborn confused. “That’s a memory you have of them, but it just took a picture form.” Reborn continued and yawned with boredom like this was an everyday occurrence. Tsuna looked over the picture again and confirmed what Reborn was saying. “I’m just gonna tell you this straight because you won’t figure it out otherwise. You want to be with them as much as they want to be with you, you losing your status as the heir of the Vongola isn’t gonna change that. So no matter what you do or what you decide, remember that. But remember this as well, they’re in the sights of the mafia now. You losing the Sun ring is only putting them in more danger and by further removal from the mafia will put them right in the middle of a storm they can’t face alone. So dame Tsuna, do you wanna become a normal student like before but risk them being harmed because of it, or do you want to fight and protect them but at the risk of losing any chance of a normal life?” Reborn concluded, his body facing directly at Tsuna. 

Thousands of thoughts flashed through Tsuna’s mind, each one more muffled than the last. Tsuna clenched his knees and gritted his teeth, “I don’t know” repeating over and over again in the back of his mind. “I don’t think I can do this” and “What if I fail?” swirled around Tsuna’s head. All his anxieties and fears boiling over in one gargantuan flood of emotions. The weight of his choice pressed down on him, “I’m not decciding for myself, I’m deciding for all my friends. It’s not just about me anymore.” Tsuna thought, mentally hitting himself for not being more decisive. He felt his chest caving in on itself, leaving Tsuna gasping for air and on the verge of screaming, “Help me, please!” He could feel every muscle in his body contract all at once, pain taking over Tsuna’s body. He looked at Reborn and the picture of his friends one last time before one singular thought popped out in his mind. He smiled, his eyes filled with determination. He could feel his body relax letting him jump up, ready to execute his plan.

Tsuna looked at Reborn, ready to tell him his decision but was shell shocked by the sight. Reborn was smiling at Tsuna, his eyes filled with pride. He already knew what Tsuna was going to do. The light from the window started to flood the room and Reborn said, his voice filled with pride, “I’m proud of you Tsunayoshi Sawada, ” Tsuna felt a euphoria overtake his body, already crying by Reborn’s words.

“But what about you?” Tsuna yelled, cursing the light as it kept growing brighter and brighter. He only chuckled and nodded his head.

“We’ll see.” Reborn said before Tsuna’s vision was filled with white. Then, the world became dark again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A crushing weight pounded on Tsuna’s chest, causing him to stir and open his eyes cautiously. It was Lambo, crying on Tsuna’s chest, screaming something about how Tsuna-nii is dead. Tsuna placed Lambo to the side and stood up, filled with newfound confidence he never had before.

“Tsuna-nii?” Lambo inquired, confused by Tsuna’s behavior. Tsuna looked over at Reborn, making eye contact with his mentor. Reborn looked at Tsuna with his normal poker face, but slowly it grew into a small smirk. Tsuna looked back at Xanxus and smiled.

“I’ll do it, I’ll fight to the last breath with my friends and family to ensure all our futures.” Tsuna thought as he raised his hands and went into a defensive stance.

“I need this.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Check out ekourege's Discord server at https://discord.gg/cpsmT9p. That discord server helped me come out with this idea and gave me the courage to post.


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